Off-cut Icebox Cookies

Off-Cut Slice and Bake Cookies

After one batch of icebox cookies with a design, I realized there would always be ragged edges and  off-cuts. This quickly became my solution. They wind up pretty. Ultimately extending to

Ingredients

off-cuts from an icebox cookie design
eggwash
sprinkles
powdered sugar for rolling out

Instructions

Step 1: Let the leftover dough soften for a couple minutes then mash it all together and knead it a few times. The goal is to just get it a bit combined. You don't want to mix, you just want a single ball of dough.

Step 2: Roll out the dough on a work surface. Use the powdered sugar to stop it from sticking. If the dough is too soft to work with, ball it up, throw it back in the fridge and watch a couple Monty Python sketches. Then roll it out.

Step 3: After you have you dough rolled out, roll up into a log. Mash each end smooth and get your log nice and even.

Step 4: Lay out parchment and put the log on there. Paint the log in egg wash. Pour liberally with sprinkles. Go in two sections. Do the top then when that's completely covered do the bottom. Roll the log back and forth to cover.

Step 5: Wrap, then wrap in another layer of parchment. Don't bother dumping off the excess sprinkles, just trap them. Freeze the log.

Step 6: Bake as you would any other icebox cookie. My normal settings are about 375 with about 10 to 15 minutes. I watch them very carefully because then I can pull as soon as they're good.

Cookie Monster Icebox Cookies

Cookie Monster Slice and Bake Cookies

I wondered why I couldn't find where anyone had made Cookie Monster Icebox cookies. I know now. It's really, really, really hard.

Ingredients

1 stick butter (1/2 cup)
1 stick margarine (1/2 cup)
1 cup sugar
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1 lemon's worth of zest
1 tablespoon lemon juice
1 egg
3 1/2 cups flour
food coloring: blue and black

1 extra egg to glue the dough
Powdered sugar in case the dough starts sticking.

Optional: a second batch of white dough

Note: I made a second batch of dough the same day with coconut oil and egg whites. I used this for the whites of the eyes. It's not essentially necessary. It's just something that happened in the course of baking. I decided to try to make the second dough as white as possible for the eyes. It turned out.

Short Instructions 

Creaming method, color the dough, assemble Cookie Monster, freeze

Long Instructions

Step 1: Beat butter, margarine and sugar until light.

Step 2: Beat in baking powder, salt and lemon zest.

Note: I had lemons left from another recipe. So lemon it was.

Step 3: Juice the lemon. Measure out one tablespoon. Beat juice and egg in.

Step 4: Beat in flour.

Color the Dough

Step 1: Separate white dough.

Step 2: Add smurf's blood to rest of the dough.

Step 3: Split in about half and add black to one half.

Assembly

Step 1: Refrigerate the dough.

Step 2: Roll black into two snakes. These will tell you the maximum length of your resulting log. Refrigerate.

Step 3: Wrap the black log in white dough. Use your egg glue liberally. Use it to glue the dough to the black and use it to seal the seam. The seam can be sealed by rubbing the dough with egg. Refrigerate.

Step 4: Shape his mouth. Roll out a thicker log of the black. This can be the remainder of the black because you don't need it for anything else and you can trim the ends later. The log should be fairly thick. At least a couple inches. Estimate based on the size of the cookie you want to make. Shape it into the smile. Gravity will make the bottom flatten a bit naturally. Refrigerate.

Step 5: Roll out a thin section of blue and trim. The goal is the cover the bottom of his mouth. Use the egg glue. Fill in the gaps as best you can. Refrigerate.

Step 6: Fill in the top of his smile with a log of blue. Use the egg glue. Fill in any gaps with blue dough and egg glue. Refrigerate.

Step 7: Trim off the ends of the head log and the eye logs.

Step 8: Glue the eye logs to the top with a lot of egg glue. These will be a bit harder and they will want to come off. So really paint the glue on. Freeze the Cookie Monster.

Cooking

Step 1: Preheat oven.

Step 2: Pull the log from the freezer and immediately slice. This is easy with a bench scraper and strong downward force. But if you don't have one, make do.

Step 3: Bake. Between 10 and 15 minutes at 375. Pull as soon as the top is set and the bottom is starting to develop gold around the edge on the bottom.

Neopolitan Icebox Cookies

Neopolitan Slice and Bake Cookies

I've wanted to make Neapolitan ice cream cookies for a while. So I did.

Ingredients

600 grams all purpose flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp salt
1 Chobani cup
1/2 cup butter (1 stick)
1/2 cup margarine (1 Stick)
2 Tbsp vegetable oil
1 egg
200 grams granulated sugar

1 extra egg for assembly

For the chocolate
2 Tbsp cocoa powder
dark chocolate bar
2 Tbsp milk

For the strawberry
6 Tbsp Strawberry Fruit Spread
Extra Flour
Red or Pink food coloring

For the vanilla
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Instruction

Step 1: Beat the butter, margarine, oil and sugar until light.

Step 2: Beat in the salt, baking powder and the egg. My theory about adding the baking powder very early in the recipe is it's such a small quantity of powder and I want it evenly distributed through the dough.

Step 3: Beat in the yogurt.

Step 4: Slowly add the flour (Go too fast and it will cover your counter).

Step 5: Split the dough into 3 bowls.

Step 6: Vanilla - Mix about 1/2 tsp of vanilla extract into the dough. Vanilla is such a ubiquitous flavor in baking that it can be hard to pick out. I've heard the wisdom that vanilla should be added to chocolate recipes (I don't see the purpose in this). There are other ways to bump up the vanilla flavor with other supporting flavorants like vanilla bean or vanilla sugar. This is a matter of preference. Also, I have vanilla extract in my kitchen, I don't have vanilla beans.

Step 7: Chocolate - Chop up about 8 squares of a chocolate bar into fairly small pieces. Otherwise you'll have trouble slicing your cookies later. Mix in 2 Tbsp of milk and cocoa powder.

Step 8: Strawberry - Mix in 6 Tbsp of strawberry fruit spread and a little pink or red food coloring to complete that strawberry ice cream aesthetic. Add extra flour to get the dough back to a similar texture as the vanilla and the chocolate. Doing this now will save you the trouble of rescuing your strawberry dough later.

Digression into my Learning Experience

I'm sharing this in the spirit of full disclosure. Things go weird sometimes. I gave my fridge too much credit so even after sitting in my fridge over night, the strawberry dough was too soft and sticky. So I wound up kneading in about 1/4 cup to 1/2 cup flour to get the dough to a workable texture. The flavor was exactly what I wanted it to be so it still worked. It was just sticky and messy and took a little extra effort.

Step 9: Refrigerate the doughs overnight.

Step 10: Roll out each dough and freeze them for a little bit on parchment paper. You don't want them hard. You just want them to stay as cold as possible while you work.

Step 11: Beat an egg. This is your glue and your spackle.

Step 12: Paint with egg and stack the three layers of dough. Freezer.

Step 13: Trim the edges. You're not trying to make it perfectly square. You're just trying to even up a bit. You can fill in the smaller gaps.with pieces from the off cuts and use the egg to seal the edges. Freezer.

Step 14: Using a ruler (or a T-Square. T-Squares are awesome for this.) to square the dough. Then cut it in half the long way. Paint with egg and stack. Then paint the edges with egg to further seal the edges. Freezer.

Digression

If you have a secret method of rolling out dough in a square and not an amoeba shape, please share it.

Step 15: Take the off cuts and mash them all together into a ball. Knead the ball a few times to mix everything together. Roll out evenly. Paint with egg. Roll up into a log. Roll the roll in chocolate sprinkles (Must appeal to that critical 3 and 5 year old demographic). Wrap that up and throw it in the freezer.

Step 16: Slice the logs. About a half centimeter per cookie. There will always be junk looking ends but they'll still taste good. Only slice as many cookies as you're going to bake.

Step 17: Bake in an oven at 375 degrees. This took me about 15 minutes. Just watch your cookies and pull them when the tops are set and the bottoms start to get golden.

Make the Best Cake out of Cheap Cake Mix

Strawberry Lemon Curd Cake

I bought half a dozen boxes of cake mix on sale and I am determined to get the absolute best out of them.

Ingredients

1 box Confetti Strawberry Cake mix
2 Key Lime single serve Chobani yogurt cups
1/4 cup oil
4 eggs

Note about Box Mix

Follow the instructions. You can add an extra egg . You can replace the water for milk or yogurt. You can add a pinch of salt or some vanilla to round out the flavor. The key is to take advantage of the fact that cake mixes tend to be foolproof. You know it's going to rise, you're just trying to get the cake to be a little better.

Flavored Yogurt

Flavored yogurt is just another opportunity to add a little flavor. Most yogurt flavors will not overwhelm the other flavors in the cake.

Extra Sprinkles
Previously made lemon curd (From CupcakeJemma's recipe)
Left over cream cheese frosting

Instructions

Secret Step 1: Clean up the kitchen in anticipation of baking.

Step 1: Mix the mix, the yogurt, the oil and the eggs until combined.

Step 2: Fold in extra sprinkles. There is such thing as too many sprinkles but until the sprinkles compromise the structural integrity of the cake, you haven't reached that point.

Step 3: Bake according to your box. I divided into mini cake pans.

Step 4: Level the cakes after they cool with a serrated knife.

Step 5: Fill the center with the lemon curd and refrigerate. Otherwise your filling will come out when you try to ice. Your filling will probably come out anyway. It's not a problem. It's just lemon curd. If it really bothers you (it doesn't bother me), pipe a line of frosting around the edge of the cake layer before filling the cake with lemon curd.

Step 6: Frost the cake until you run out. If you have extra naked filled cakes and no frosting, just eat them like that. It's still good.

Step 7: Take one of the tiny cakes and coat in sprinkles to appeal to the aesthetic sensibilities of children whose approval means a lot.

Lemon Curd on Saturday morning

Making Lemon Curd for the First Time

CupcakeJemma is one of my all time favorite YouTube channels. Many times I have watched her videos and wanted to instantly try the new recipe she's presented.

I bought a clutch of cake mixes when were on sale. Then I got it in my head that lemon curd would make the perfect filling for a strawberry cake.

Cupcake Jemma's Lemon Curd (with changes to make my life easier)

Ingredients

5 yolks
2 whole eggs (plus 1 extra to compensate for egg lost to aggressive egg cracking)
zest of 1 lemon
100 ml fresh lemon (took 2 lemons) (I don't have a measuring cup with 110 ml)
110 grams granulated sugar
1/2 stick butter (1/4 cup)

Instructions

Step 1: Pull up Cupcake Jemma's Perfect Lemon Curd video. Rewatch the video.

Step 2: Set up a bain marie with your KitchenAid bowl because you don't have any other metal bowls. So it's giant, a pain in a butt to wash and perfect.

Step 3: Separate the eggs. It doesn't matter if the albumen contaminate the yolks but if you want to use the whites for an application then the quarantine method is required. Since you have to separate 5 eggs, why not just do it right? Crack the egg over one bowl, deposit the yolk and transfer the white into a second bowl. Check for yolk and deposit the white in a third bowl.

Step 4: Add eggs to your shopping list. At this point you realize that this recipe will take between 7 and 8 eggs and that's going to use up most if not all of your eggs.

Step 5: Crack the whole eggs into your yolks. Crack an extra egg to replace the egg streaming down the front of your dishwasher. (Cracking eggs can be hard. I'm good at it because I've cracked more than I can count. But it can be a hard skill to learn.)

Step 6: Wash your hands. Wash your nephew's hands.

Step 7: Clean up the counter, the dishwasher and the floor. (Cracking eggs is hard)

Step 8: Zest one of the lemons.

Take a break to appreciate the scent of the lemon.

Step 9: Slice one lemon in half and cut two thin slices from the lemon. Make lemon water for your nephews.

Step 10: Juice two of the lemons. This can be accomplished with a reamer, a juicer or just with hand power (my preferred method).

Step 11: Cook the mixture of eggs, lemon zest, lemon juice and sugar over the bain marie to thicken it. This took me about 10 minutes but it depends on what temperature you have your stove on.

Step 12: Take the mixture off the stove. Add the butter one chunk at a time.

Step 13: Push the curd through a metal mesh strainer.

Step 14: Give all participants a taste then put it away in the fridge.

How to Get the Marble out of Your Ramune Bottle

How to Claim the Marble Out of Your Ramune Bottle

I wanted the marble.

Disclaimers

This is dangerous. Boiling water is dangerous. Stabbing glass bottles is dangerous. You could burn yourself, stab yourself, break a bottle. I haven't but it could happen.

This method worked for this variety of Ramune bottle but I can't guarantee it will work for any other Ramune bottles. This is the only type they carry at my grocery.

How I did it

1. Boil a pot of water.
2. Turn the bottle upside down and submerge the plastic lid in the water for 30 seconds.
3. Lay the bottle down on a towel on the counter. with the top facing away from you.
4. Push a flathead screwdriver into the gap between the bottle and the top. Try to work the screwdriver back and forth to pry the plastic.
5. If it's too hard, boil a bit longer.
6. This is going to take a few rounds of heating and prying. The goal is NOT to pop the lid off. That simply doesn't happen. The goal is to loosen the plastic all around the lid until it's large enough to just take it off.
7. Claim your marble.

The boiling water softens the plastic enough to be able manipulate the plastic cap until it's loose enough to remove.

Super Easy, Super Quick Soft Pizza Recipe

Pizza for Dinner

I'm not an expert. I've just baked enough and studied enough to have a strong understanding of how baking works. It's easy for things to go wrong. As long as you can use a kitchen safely, it can only only go so wrong. This is just baking after all. Most of the time, the worst case scenario is wasted ingredients.

The more you learn about baking, bread dough and the general principles. The more you can customize the recipe to meet your ultimate pizza. I like my pizza dough soft and this recipe is tailored to that.

Ingredients

2 cups warm water
2 Tbsp instant yeast
4 1/2 to 5 c. flour
1 teaspoon salt
2 Tbsp Olive Oil
Extra Flour (to roll out)
Mozzarella cheese
Tomato sauce

A Stand Mixer makes pizza dough so much easier. It's not required but it makes pizza dough quick and easy.

Steps

1. Run your tap till the water is warm to the touch.
2. Add the water and yeast to your mixing bowl.
3. Let the yeast sit to proof to ensure your yeast is alive and ready to rise to the occasion.

Do you need to proof your yeast?

Proving isn't strictly necessary for the yeast to work. It's just proof that the yeast is working. Depending on the variety of yeast, it can be unnecessary. I still do it every time. I tend to buy yeast in bulk and leave it in the freezer for a long time. I want to make sure the little guys are still alive when I call them into action. Whether you proof or not, it's important to dissolve your yeast in the water because that results in even incorporation of the ingredients.

4. Add flour 1 cup at a time and mix to fully incorporate.
- After 2 cups, add a tablespoon of oil.
- After 4 cups, add another tablespoon oil.
- Once you get to 4 cups, start going slower and pay attention to the texture of the dough. It shouldn't be sticky, it shouldn't be stiff. If it sticks to your fingers, add more flour. If it's stiff, dry or the flour won't incorporate, add olive oil.

A Digression

Once you make pizza a couple times, you'll get a feeling for what the texture should be. Baking's a science but recipes are flexible. You can make a lot of changes to the recipe and still have a good outcome. With pizza dough, it's important that the dough is easy to handle, has well developed gluten, and that the dough rises.

5. Knead or let your dough hook knead the dough to develop the gluten.
- You can perform the window pane test by pulling a chunk of dough and stretching it to test the gluten. Or just stop when you think it's done and hope for the best like me.
6. Coat a bowl in oil and put your dough in there. Roll it to get it coated in oil.
7. Put a tea towel over the bowl and leave it to rise. You can leave it in a warm place to rise (or a cold place. The pizza dough will rise in the fridge.)

8. Turn into pizza.
- The best tool for this is typically your father. He knows what to do.
- Alternatively, sprinkle a work surface with flour. Knead your dough a couple times to get all those air bubbles nice and distributed. Roll out with a rolling pin coated with flour. Put the dough on your pan, add the tomato sauce and mozzarella. Cook in a 450 degree oven until it looks too good not to eat. This will happen fast.

Note About Pizza Stones

I'm not a fan. They wind up messy. They're cumbersome. I don't know about you but I don't have room for a giant slab of stone. I like my old pizza pans. They do the job.

November X-Mas Spiral Slice and Bake Cookies

November X-Mas Spiral Slice and Bake Cookies

Per the request of my nephew, I made Christmas cookies. I adapted this recipe from Alton Brown's sugar cookie recipe. Essentially doing what I want.

Ingredients

1 stick butter
1 stick margarine
1 cup white sugar
1 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 egg
5.3 oz Greek yogurt (single serve Chobani in vanilla or cookies and cream) and a spatula is very helpful in getting all of the yogurt out.
3 1/4 c. flour
1/2 tsp peppermint extract
About 1/2 cup chocolate chunks
The jimmie section of the sprinkle shaker (Skip the nonpareils. Nonpareils are typically coated in coloring. This leaves little white nonpareils and colorful stains in your dough like the cookies pictured. Not strictly a bad thing. Just a consideration.)
1 extra egg beaten in a cup
Powdered sugar for rolling out the cookie dough

Instructions

1. Beat the butter and sugar (by hand, by mixer, by beater)
2. Beat in the egg
3. Beat in the yogurt
4. Add baking powder and salt
5. Add the flour
6. Split the dough into two bowls.

Pause briefly to contemplate how nephew is going to be disappointed that you made the wrong cookies.

7. Melt the chocolate in the microwave about 10 seconds at a time. Stir after each go in the microwave. It will melt far faster than you expect.
8. Add melted chocolate to 1/2 of cookie dough
9. Add peppermint and sprinkles to other half of dough.
10. Wrap everything in parchment paper. Put in fridge.
11. Go to bed.
12. Get the doughs out of the fridge.

Suspect you put too many sprinkles in the dough.

13. Roll out the dough evenly. If the chocolate dough is too set to roll out, microwave it for 10 or 20 seconds to soften. Or just let it sit out.
14. Paint both slabs with the extra egg. Preferably with a brush but if you don't have a brush, use your fingers.
15. Put the chocolate dough on the peppermint dough (egg to egg) and press the edges together.

Realize you should have tried to get it more rectangular but resolve to make it work.

16. Paint more egg on the cookie dough slab.
17. Roll up.

The ends are going to likely be a mess unless you rolled a rectangle. In which case, congratulations. Alternatively, cut off the sticky out end and shove that into the other end. They won't look pretty but they'll taste fab.

18. Fridge.
19. Slice.
20. Lay out on an ungreased cookie sheet.
21. Bake 350 degrees for 10 to 12 minutes or until edges just start to golden.
22. Eat (after they are no longer mouth burning hot).

The "I Bought Too Much Cream Cheese" Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

"I Bought Too Much Cream Cheese" Chocolate Chip Cookies

Ingredients

4 oz butter (1 Stick)
8 oz cream cheese (1 average package)
1 cup brown sugar
1/2 cup white sugar
2 eggs
1/2 tsp salt
1 tsp baking powder
2 1/2 cup flour
2 cups chocolate chips (or whatever)
1 tsp vanilla (if you have it or not if like me, you forgot to buy it at the grocery store last weekend)

Instructions

1. Cream butter, cream cheese, brown sugar and white sugar in the bowl of your mixer. This can be done with a hand beater, a standing mixer or by hand.

2. Crack eggs in a separate (preferably glass) bowl.

3. Search the egg for shell shards.

4. Stop to calm down your screaming nephew who wants to be the one who pours the eggs in the mixing bowl. But he cracked the eggs so the other nephew is the one that gets to pour in the eggs.

5. Help nephew pour eggs into mixing bowl.

6. Evict nephews from the kitchen.

7. Add salt, baking powder, flavor.

8. Add flour. Dough should not be dry or sticky but very soft.

9. Fill a 2 cup Elsa ziploc container with whatever you bought or have on hand (chips, Halloween M&Ms, chunks, chopped up chocolate).

10. Give Elsa container to nephew that is still complaining about the fact that he couldn't pour the egg in and help him pour the bits into the mixing bowl.

11. Lift your nephew so he can see in the bowl.

12. Look for your favorite disher. Realize the larger disher is in the dishwasher.

13. Get the smaller disher and load up a sheet tray.

14. Heat oven to 350.

15. When it's hot, get cooking.

16. Plant yourself on the couch and watch your new Beavis and Butthead DVDs (your nephews are gone) and you're depressed and that's why you decided to write a blog article anyway.

17. Decide the tiny disher is too small. Get one of those tablespoon measuring spoons your old boss gave you as a present.

18. Mash the cookies flat because cream cheese doesn't spread (and you realized you should have figured that out to begin with).

19. Take the cookies out before they get brown. If they're brown, they're burned. Maybe you like that. I don't know you. If you've read this far then you know what level of crazy you're dealing with. My ideal cookie is straight from the bowl. Raw dough, I mean. I know it's wrong but it's good.

20. Pull the cookies out of the oven after 10 to 15 minutes. They're still pale as death but with a bit of color around the edges.

21. Clean that kitchen up.