Fighting with my Novel's 2nd Draft

The Editing War of Draft Two

I'm scared. I'm hacking my draft apart like a horror movie slasher. I just tore out two chapters I agonized over when I first wrote them. This war against my weak words, procrastination, self loathing and inane twists is getting brutal.

Should editing hurt?

It doesn't hurt. It's overwhelming and scary but I tend to feel that way about everything difficult in the world. Editing is just tearing out words that I spent days of my life writing and replacing them with others.

The hemorrhaging of words is leaving me weak and clawing to hold onto the original ideas and forcing me to infuse new ideas. It's worth the fight.

Is this for the greater good of the novel?

Yes. Resolutely yes.

I am a better writer today than I was two months ago. At least, I really, really, really hope I  am. It would be miserably depressing if I was a worse writer. I am also a different writer than I was two months ago.

Tearing out some chapters and working in others is changing the shape of the story. It's giving me the opportunity to incorporate new ideas, inspirations and story lines. Months ago when I wrote the first lines, I had never watched Innovation Nation with Mo Rocca and Ali Ward, I was babysitting every weekend and I had never heard Hamilton. Those are just three changes. The book is changing accordingly.

The novel needs to change.

It's an opportunity. I have never gotten this far. I don't know what comes next. I just keep studying, working and fighting to make this better.

I'm working on myself, changing myself, changing the words and making a better novel.

Will I ever feel like I'm not wanting? Probably not. I will always strive. Writers must never be satisfied. There's always a different way to say something.