Just a Little Soul Search

What do I believe in?

Still Spiraling

I do not want another person's future to be dependent on my decision. I would not want another person to decide my future. All other considerations forgotten, I don't want to be a decider. I would lose sleep over the impact of my decision. I would spend hours imagining alternate scenarios. I take life very seriously and I can't put things behind me easily.

This is me. I believe that we all need to do what's morally and ethically right. Sometimes the ethical thing is to not do something. Sometimes we have to go very deep into our feelings to truly understand the origins of those feelings.

The source of my feeling was being obscured by rational considerations like inconvenience. So I searched my heart and my soul. My ideas are changeable but my nature isn't and I don't want to be responsible. 

I am as smart as the next person but I'm emotional and I follow my instincts. I don't always follow logic. I very often follow my heart. 

I trust people but when they talk but I don't always understand what they mean or why they say what they say. I take people at their word. That's why I don't like it when people joke with me. I can't always tell if they mean it or if it's just humor.

I can get angry and annoyed for no reason. I try to hide it because I feel like my problems are my problems and no one should have to suffer my bad mood. 

I'm scared that people judge me. I'm scared that I unfairly judge other people. I'm scared that something I do today will hurt me later. I'm scared that something I don today will hurt someone else.

Everyday, I am a different person. The person I was yesterday is gone. Yesterday's mistakes are in the past. But if my mistake hurt someone, that mistake is on going because they are still hurt. I don't want that. That's why I don't want to be a person in charge of major decisions that determine the course of other people's lives. 

I believe that I don't have the answers.