Breaking Up with Flowers

Tell Someone off with a Lovely Bouquet of  Flowers

For an elegant kiss-off look to the wisdom of the Victorians who sent their romantic messages with flowers

In an age where break ups can be texted, emailed, voice mailed and ultimately sterile, show someone true vitriol with a bouquet.

They can be both beautiful and make a point.

Bilberry – You cheated on me.

Bramble – You are are a low down dirty dog and I regret ever going out with you.
Burning Nettle – I heard what you've been saying about me and you can go to hell.

Cannabis Sativa – Forget about me.
Carrion Flower – You lied to me. You stole from me. Now your acting like this is my fault. I hope you rot.

Frog Ophrys – You nauseate me.
Garden Anemone – I'm leaving you.

Gum Cistus – I'm going to die tomorrow so don't call me anymore.

Lettuce – You're so cold my heart has freezer burn.

Nightshade – I would rather eat this bunch of nightshade than continue dating you.

Prickly pear – Our relationship was a joke and I'm not laughing.

Peach blossom – I am your captive or I was until I found the key to the chains. Bye.

Pennyroyal – I have enjoyed our relationship but I am fleeing from the mob and have to go into witness protection.

Raspberry – I am sorry it has to be this way.

Rhododendron – If I keep dating you, I'm going to end up in prison.
Rose (dead) - Our love is dead.
Whin – I'm not sorry I threw that plate at you.

York Rose – Come near me again and I will call the cops.

Remember, nothing says “Screw off” quite as well as Poison Ivy.

Disclaimer: I am not suggesting that you send someone a poisonous plant. After all, it could so easily get into the wrong hands. Do you want to be responsible for a little kid getting a rash all over their face or worse? No, no you don't. Do you want to make someone sick? No, no you don't. Use common sense and handle poisonous plants with care. Same with the illegal plants. So if you get in trouble, don't come bugging me because I just told you not to.

Inspiration:

The Language of Flowers: An Alphabet of Floral Emblems (London: T. Nelson and Sons, Paternoster Row, 1858)